One month until the Camino!

More and more I appreciate the value of taking solo time to completely disconnect. And I sense there's no nicer way of doing it than ditching the US for a month.

我終於決定要走聖地亞哥朝聖之路！現在在準備。下個月開始！

image source: https://www.galicianroots.com/en/noticia/las-principales-rutas-del-camino-de-santiago.htm

While looking through my GoodReads (a book/reading list tracking app) from last year, I was reminded that this time a year ago, I was reading a novel about a girl who walked the Camino De Santiago. In the months before reading that book, I stumbled upon a historical fiction (A Long Petal of the Sea by Isabel Allende) that piqued my interest about the Spanish Civil War and Franco era, and about refugees who fled Spain to various parts of South America and about baby stealing by the Church. I then binge-watched documentaries on PBS. Despite living in Spain after college, I knew so little about its modern-day history.

During my memoir kick in the months before that, I read Kinky Gazpacho: Life, Love & Spain by Lori L. Tharps, in which she recounts her study abroad time in Spain as a Black American woman. It stirred something in me and my time in Spain, and reaffirmed that the racism I felt (towards Asians and South Americans) wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. I started reflecting about my post-college gap year, six months of which I spent in Madrid, as one of the lucky participants from college in its relatively new international internship program.

Thanks to that opportunity, I would fulfill my dreams of seeing bits of European cities without spending money I didn’t have. I would use what I learned in thermodynamics class in a real-world engineering firm’s budding cleantech arm. I was full of excitement, but that quickly waned after my first month.

I struggled to adapt and and love my new home, language, and culture. I was desperate to assimilate, but kept hitting walls at every turn. Lots of stories for another day. For years, I carried regrets forward — if only I had learned Spanish and read a book about Spanish culture before going, perhaps I would have had friends if I was more fashionable, maybe I could have assimilated if I drank and partied, perhaps I could have all of that if had said “yes” to staying for another year after my contract was up. I would feel like shit for days when these thoughts surfaced. Last year, I got curious and applied tools from four years of therapy. I found closure on a few pain points, and that created a desire to see and experience Spain again, but from a different angle.

I have long dreamt of taking a long solo trip. To my knowledge, the US doesn’t have networked walking routes. We have backcountry camping, tent/RV camping. I toyed with the idea of taking a long sabbatical and solo hiking the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Crest Trail or the Continental Divide Trail. Then I’d go on a weekend camping trip or a weeklong backpacking trip and decide against it. Carrying a heavy pack and going through the trouble of pitching a tent and cooking over a fire every day seemed less appealing after a few days.

But in Europe, we can experience multi-day hikes differently. While living in Spain, I visited a friend in the UK and we did a multi-day hike through the Peak District. We stayed in huts and ate hot meals. I dreamed of doing something like that again, especially since there are SO MANY amazing hikes in the world (one of my best friends recently gifted me a book of them to add to my bucket list). I figured I’d have to wait until retirement. And hope that I could still hike and carry a pack.

The adult life I was experiencing was mandated butt-in-office in front of screens all day. Prior to the pandemic, I often traveled for work. It usually meant short periods in the cities with long days spent in soulless, sunless factories. Even during the pandemic, I was in a new job that over-valued (dreaded) face time.

Timing wasn’t working out for me to take a trip to disconnect. Between changing jobs, mending a broken ankle, and living through the pandemic, I hadn’t left the US in years. Honestly, it felt unresponsible to do so.

Last March, while getting to the end of training for the Boston Marathon, the wanderlust itch came back all the stronger. I had to find a window that fit with work and then hope they’ll be ok with a vacation longer than a week. I wanted to finish fixing up my home (part of my self-imposed Up-Leveling My Life Challenge); what started as a small project kept growing and expanding (ahh! scope creep!!). I wanted to find a seasonal window that was pleasant, but not miss the window of nice weather (basically only October) in my current hometown of Boston. I had to be available to speak at events that had been booked for months. I was a ball of stress trying to check everything off of my To Do list, but the list kept growing. The universe answered.

Upon reading that novel about the Camino last March, I had a feeling that the Camino could that trip. I joined several Facebook groups of Camino enthusiasts, which led to watching YouTube videos and following Instagrams. Maybe following along their adventures with satiate my need to go. But with each post I read or watched, I just knew I had to experience it myself. And to do it soon. Once it’s in your head and heart, it stays! I see signs everywhere. Literal “Camino de Santiago” signs at the local REI, yellow arrows, another speaker handing out postcards to me at a talk I gave, friends introducing me to friends who did a Camino (I previously didn’t know anyone in my circle).

image: spotted at my local REI

The Camino’s roots are in Christianity, but it’s become more of a spiritual quest for those seeking a break from the world’s noise for some connected solitude, those thirsting for (structured) adventures, those healing from grief, those feeling stuck about next life or career steps. The Camino doesn’t allow roadside camping. Instead, it leverages an existing infrastructure set up to cater to Camino walkers (called pilgrims, peregrinos/peregrinas) with accommodation (called albergues) and meals. Basically, all I need to do is walk. And think. And meditate. That all seemed appealing. And there are so many starting points to choose from: Spain, Portugal, and France.

And when I got laid off this year, I thought, “This is it! Finally, I can finally go take those trips!” But again, the To Do list got in the way. My anxiety was through the roof. I have ongoing projects. I have bills. I didn’t have a spouse to subsidize my expenses. I need to be a responsible human. I blocked it out of my mind for a few months; I didn’t let myself look at flights but let me self scroll the Facebook groups.

But soon, the universe weighed in again. It hung out in my heart and mind. It sent people to prod me, to encourage me to listen to myself. I have one life. I won’t end up living under a bridge. This trip may not unlock all the answers I desire, but a break to walk and think will certainly help. I still hope it’ll help define some next life steps or at least build more confidence in myself.

The hardest part on taking action, for me, is actually owning the decision. This has proved true time and again as I work through my To Do list. When I try to organize all the logistics first, I get super frazzled and overwhelmed. However, if I come from the other direction and make the decision first, the logistics become much more manageable.

And I’m proud to announce that I am doing it!

Time to turn this imaginative dream into a reality. Thank you to the friends and family who put up with my endless see-sawing and ruminations. I finally made the decision earlier this month. Everything is falling into place. Plane tickets are bought. International debit cards have been ordered. Projects are progressing. Mindset on projects has evolved: I will get what I can get done, but I don’t need to completely finish before I’m allowed to take a break. The research and trip planning documents I started last year are still relevant and ready for finessing. Still lots of microdecisions to make, and I expect things will (of course) not go according to plans. But I’m ready!

I will be walking the Camino Portuguese route, from Lisbon (Portugal) to Santiago de Compostela (Galicia, Spain). I set off in exactly a month!

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The adventure begins:

[Camino Portuguese Day 00] On My Way!

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